Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
