i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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