During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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