Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
