this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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