he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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