I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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