My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
