There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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