PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
