I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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