I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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