D3 body, D1 cock
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
