Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
