also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize