ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
