So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
