In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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