I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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