my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The beer is more important than you right now.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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