Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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