The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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