Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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