Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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