for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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