exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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