imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
