I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
