Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
