An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
