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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
