I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
