My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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