I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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