3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
too bad you live with your parents still
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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