Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
