cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
