so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
