WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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