yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
