Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
