fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
