i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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