I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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