the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
