Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
