would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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