I'm gonna have a badass scar
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
