im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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