if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
