the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
