I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
