i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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