The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Are we still banned from the library?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
