I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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