3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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