When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
