where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
