i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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