My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
