Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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