I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to calm my uterus...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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