There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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