and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize