My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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