mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
