Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
