dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
