dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
