My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
