Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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