So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize