i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
