help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
