Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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