We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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