I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
