dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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