Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
