found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
