The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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