he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
