Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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