capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
