She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
