yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
