Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
