I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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