you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
