dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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