ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
