you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
zippers are such a cool invention
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
