There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
